Never really left

I'm sitting here in my new office surrounded by mugs of half-drunk old coffee and student papers and it's so many years later. It's been three years since I told this blog I wouldn't be writing in it anymore and two years since I came back for one more post and told it again that I was finished. It's like most things isn't it? I'm learning more and more that there's no such thing as endings, really.

Beginnings though, beginnings happen all the time and it seems like the last three years have been an onslaught of beginnings and firsts and never-befores. I've begun marriage, begun owning a house, begun a new career, begun to understand and accept myself more. 

I've learned that beginnings can be absolutely terrifying and incredible and chest-squeezing and jaw-clenching and on-your-back laughing and can't-help-but-be-smiling. Beginnings can make you want to run out of your office, which used to be a closet, screaming. 

I guess I'm back with you, Blog, because life's complicated again--and not complicated like it was when I had lost love and found love again. No. It's far more complicated than that and I think I need to write about it again until it's out of me completely and I can look at it again more clearly.