Ghosts and Hauntings

The air is at a stand-still, grasping on to early fall as long as it can even though late fall and winter are fated. The temperatures haven't dropped much below 60 and my coat is still too heavy to start living in and the leaves aren't even sure if it's safe to let themselves go quite yet and fall.

I get fixated on things. It used to be on feelings and people and the smell of him which wouldn't leave me for years or thinking about the what-ifs and what could of beens; now I'm just fixated on myself and I keep looking at things about me and thinking "man look at that flaw" or "man look at that gap between my two front teeth that seems to be growing exponentially."

And it's true. I've been looking more closely at myself than I have in years. I'm examining and documenting and taking mental notes because I'm scared of my body changing. Of growing a baby in side of my belly and not being able to recognize myself.