I want to dance dance dance across the ocean and I want my dress to swirl romantically around my legs and I want my eyes to squint in the sunlight and I want to stop holding my breath when the doorbell rings and wishinghoping that he's out there, waiting, holding signs confessing his always forever love.

Oh, someday I know someone will look into my eyes and say hello you're my very special one.

not to sound like an indie film, but

After parting ways with an old friend last night, I closed my umbrella and let myself walk home in the pouring rain. Normally, I hate the feeling of rain getting in my eyes and even more than that I hate feeling like a cliche b-grade indie flick, but..

by the time I made it to my apartment, I was soaked head to toe. and I felt free, for a few moments, of the heartbreak that's been following me around.

Every day I am letting go of old phobias and inhibitions. How's that song go again? "I am a work in progress dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding?" Yes, that's it.

spring is like a perhaps

This past week, I began teaching "Henry V" to my students, which beside being my first introduction to teaching college freshman, it's been my students' first real introduction to Shakespeare. I'll be teaching the seminar for the next three weeks and I'm incredibly exciting.

It's taken me a while to get what Dr. Collins calls "my sea legs," but this morning I was really feeling it and I think the students were too. Teaching "Henry V" has gotten me wildly excited about my future and I can't wait to graduate and start teaching full time in my own classroom.

I showed them the "I do, I will" scene from 1 Henry 4 and we talked about the ways in which Henry still has some Hal in him. At times, I found myself almost jumping up and down when talking about my favorite moments in the script. Thank god my enthusiasm was met with a fair amount of interest from students! (Whether that interest was the kind of interest one shows when watching a car wreck or not is indeterminable at this time.)




(We started watching the first one around 3 minutes in, and ended with the second one's "I do, I will." I LOVE the way that this scene is handled--actually, I love the whole interpretation of the play, and especially the actor who plays Falstaff. Hal is a fantastic actor too, although I think he's a little old in my opinion. Oh! And those last moments, when it becomes clear that both Hal and Falstaff know what the future really holds...SO GOOD)

This weekend, I'm going with a bunch of friends to see The Shakespeare Theater Company's version of "Henry V." (Which I'll see again for free in April, along with my students). It's gotten great reviews and will be performed on a thrust--so I'm really excited. There's also a chance that I might get to pug-sit again this weekend, which means another day spent playing at the puppy park and another evening of looking longingly at pictures of pugs on the internet.

i'm made of atoms, you're made of atoms, and we're all in this together.

Sometimes I can't tell if the mass marketing of Andy Warhol by the people at Urban Outfitters is a tongue-in-cheek celebration of the man, or if he's just rolling in his grave all regular type.

I've always thought that springtime sounded like Taking Back Sunday, but times are changing and rediscovering Ben Kweller may have been my best decision of 2010 so far.

I want to see every leaf shake on every tree with the greatest clarity and I want to roll in the grass. It feels like I've fallen inside the earth and come out on the other side. (please please please please please) I want to watch winter from 1,000,000,000 miles away and never feel an icy breath on my neck and just live on a spring continent aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Today is so beautiful. I just want to ride my bike or nap in the sun.

guy playing the trumpet on the train platform you were on the other side and waved to me

this was the book that changed me most. traveling bug is biting me hard.

i had a dream that my brain was in other people's heads. i started to explain it to someone and they said "I know, it's okay."

one day i'm going to wake up to a combination of these things...





...especially the clean laundry part.

Although it looked like the trip wasn't going to happen, I'm currently writing this post from my Uncle's kitchen in Connecticut. I love his big, old house with its secret closets and walls covered in pictures of Hindu deities. There is a big sign above the kitchen sink that says "Welcome to Cafe CooCoo" and the dining table is covered in candles and wine glasses and elephant sculptures. Sarah drove from Middletown in the pouring rain and joined us for Indian food in south Hartford. I love and miss her so much, and I've needed to see my best friend so badly. It was a good night and right now I feel more calm and content than I've felt in two weeks.

I leave for DC on Monday, while Mom heads to New York to meet up with Dad. A lot's been going on in my life and its been hard to keep my head on straight, but nights like tonight remind me how important quiet evenings with family and friends are, and how despite the way I sometimes feel, I am really lucky.

finally

A calm after the storm.

for the record

Herman Melville once wrote that nothing in this world exists in itself. I know Melville wasn’t talking about love, but I can’t help but feel that I didn’t really exist until I knew you.

I've always liked this Poem

Most Like an Arch
by John Ciardi

Most like an arch—an entrance which upholds
and shores the stone-crush up the air like lace.
Mass made idea, and idea held in place.
A lock in time. Inside half-heaven unfolds.


Most like an arch—two weaknesses that lean
into a strength. Two fallings become firm.
Two joined abeyances become a term
naming the fact that teaches fact to mean.


Not quite that? Not much less. World as it is,
what’s strong and separate falters. All I do
at piling stone on stone apart from you
is roofless around nothing. Till we kiss


I am no more than upright and unset.
It is by falling in and in we make
the all-bearing point, for one another’s sake,
in faultless failing, raised by our own weight.